A chicken was assaulted this morning in a residential yard in the 1600 block of West Main Street. The victim, identified only as “Shirley”, sustained non-life-threatening injuries when she was attacked by an unknown assailant. She was found by a neighbor, across the road from her residence, hiding between a small metal sign and a brick wall.
Heidi Bradshaw, the chickens’ landlord, said she noticed something was wrong when she heard loud squawking outside the house. “Lucy was carrying on at the top of her lungs, and I knew something was wrong. I ran outside to find Laverne cowering in her nest and Lucy running around like… well like a chicken with her head cut off. Shirley was nowhere to be seen”, adding “If the good neighbor across the road hadn’t found her, I just don’t know what we would have done.”
The incident was witnessed by the victims’ two roommates, Lucy and Laverne. “Bok, bok bok bok bok BAAAK, bok bok BOK bok!” Lucy told our reporter. Laverne added, “Bok BOK bok bok. BaKAAK! Bok bok.”
The chickens’ employer, Ben Bradshaw, says the chickens were left unsupervised for only a short period of time. “We only let them out of the coop for about an hour each day to free range. You think it can’t happen to you, but you just can’t be too careful these days. There’s a lesson here. People, keep an eye on your chickens”.
The attacker remains unidentified, but there have been reports of foxes roaming the neighborhood. The victim, who declined to comment, was visibly shaken and missing several large chunks of feathers. She is reported to be in good condition and is recuperating at home.